Meeting Josh

 Welcome back.   

     Have you ever been in a relationship and you knew you needed to get out but felt there was no way?  Have you ever been so manipulated by someone you begin to believe their lies?  

     So i think yesterday I left off talking about Josh and I moving in together.  Things seemed to be going well.  Josh would come home from work every day and hug me and tell me how much he missed me.  I just thought I was the luckiest woman in the world to have such a great man.  One day my mom called me just to see how I was doing and when I got off the phone Josh grilled me about the call.  He wanted to know exactly what mom said and thought we were talking in code or something.  I just thought he was overreacting so I let it go.  On a day a few weeks later he got mad because i was wearing shorts that he thought were too short.  So he went through my clothes and ripped and cut up any clothes I had that he didnt approve of.  He let me keep my t shirts and blue Jean's but nothing else.  He also went through my hope chest that my Mom and Dad had bought me for graduation.  He pulled out my senior book from high school and ripped out all the pictures that had guys in them.  He even destroyed the ones of my brothers that were in the book.  We drove up the road to a creek and he threw it all in the creek.  He then proceeded to take a hammer to my hope chest and destroy it.  My heart was broke but still I stayed.  I was scared but thought maybe this was normal.  This was one of the first relationships I had ever had so I didn't really know how relationships worked.   All I knew was that I wanted to be happy and maybe I was doing something wrong that I didn't realize.  Eventually Josh started to act jealous of me being in the same room as his step dad since Josh and I lived with his mom and stepdad in their home.  Josh would go to work and I was expected to stay in our room until he got home from work.  His little sister would bring me food in and visit with me.  I felt so lucky to have Josh that I just didn't want to accept that this wasn't normal.  I knew it in my head but my heart wanted to stay.  Part of me believed that Josh was just trying to protect me from something.  In December 2003, Josh and I had been together about 3 months and we had to go to his work Christmas party.  We drove from Ben Wheeler, Tx to Mineola, Tx.  The party was at the Mineola Golf Course/Country Club.   Everything was going great until Josh was drinking and took some Xanax pills. He stuck his hand up another woman,s shirt and I got upset and went in the bathroom crying.  It broke my heart.  How could someone I cared about do something like that and expect me to be okay about it.  Well someone must have told Josh I was in the bathroom crying because he came in and told me knock it off because I was making him look bad.  He told me to quit crying and come out and I better look and act like everything was just fine.  So I dried my face and walked out forcing a smile.  People could still tell something was wrong even though I tried to hide it.  If they asked if I was okay Josh would squeeze my hand and tell me that I better say Yes.  He would squeeze my hand so tight I felt like it was going to break.  He talked ugly to me and belittled me and even began spitting in my face.  I was so terrified and didn't know what to do.  I knew I didn't do anything to deserve this but what could I do.  I had nowhere else to go.

     Eventually we left the Christmas party and when we got outside he pinned me against the building and hit and kicked me.  We finally made it to the truck all the way I was being hit and kicked.  We got in the truck and headed home and Josh hit me in my face and about my body for the 30 minute ride back to Ben Wheeler.  I was terrified and thought I was gonna die.  When we got home Josh made me wait in the car and went in and told his mom what he had done.  She came out and looked and then said let me get my makeup and see what I can do.  She was gonna cover up what her son had done to me like it was nothing.  I assume that wasn't the first time she had covered up for him.  I mean what kind of woman just decides to cover up the bruises of another woman instead of helping them.  I guess the saying Moms will do anything for their children is true.

     The next morning Josh got up hugging me and kissing me and apologizing saying he was so sorry. He said he had just taken pills and the pills with the alcohol and it made him crazy.  I fell for his fake tears and his manipulative crap and told myself it would never happen again.   So I forgave him and we moved past it.  It was always in the back of my head but I just kept believing that is was a one time thing and that is all that would ever happen.   I mean how could someone be so cruel. 

     More to come tomorrow.   Please Feel free to leave comments if you have experiences to share or just any comments.  God Bless