Heartbreak

      I think we left off last with Josh asking me to go for a ride and handing me some papers.  So I asked my sister to babysit whose name I am going to leave out because we have to forgive people and I forgave her.  I love her and we have a decent relationship now.  So we drive down the street a short ways and he hands me these folded up letters.  I opened them up and read them.   You will never guess who they were from.  My sister who we took in and I thought loved me and respected me had been writing my husband love letters.  Telling him she wanted to be with him and how I didn't deserve him.  My heart was crushed again.  I mean I would never even think about doing that to my sister.  How could she do this to me?  I told Josh when I got back I was going to fight her.  He told me no she was just lonely and reaching for something    So he told me if I said anything I would get it.  Over the next few weeks she kept trying to mess with him and he came to me and told me that and told me he wanted her out of our house. He told me he was leaving for a while because he didn't want to handle kicking her out although he's the one that invited her I to my house.   So I called my biological mom and told her to come and get her because I didn't want her in my house anymore.  I threw her stuff in the front yard and told her she had to get out of my house.  She went in the bathroom and locked the door and refused to leave my house.  My biological mom arrived about an hour later and she was still in the bathroom.   I told her to come out or I would call the law and have them break down the door.  Eventually she came out and left.  When Josh came back home I told him she was gone.  Over the next few weeks if we fought he would threaten to call her and have her come over.  The sad part is even though she is my sister she would have came if he called her.   She only had eyes for him.

     One day I went to my housekeeping job that was just around the corner from our house.  While I was at work I started my period and didn't have anything for it so I asked to run home.  When i got home I ran in and when I opened my door my heart hit the floor.  Josh was shocked to see me coming in.   He was especially shocked since he was on our couch making out with my sister that we had just kicked out.  He asked why I was home and I told him   He followed me to our bedroom and told me that he was just messing around and she had came onto him.  Later that evening when I was home from work he told me she had called him the night before and he told her to hide in the empty trailer next to ours until I went to work and then she could come over. So he was cheating on me with my sister.   This was not the first time he had cheated on me but it was the first time he cheated with my family member.  To this day I still don't understand how my sister was just okay with sleeping with my husband.  

     When we got our tax money that year , I believe it was January 2011, we had our mobile home moved to Ben Wheeler onto Josh's brothers property.  Once we got moved in and settled Josh went back to work for Alan fielding electric with his brother.  They began stealing copper wire from their employer and stripping it and taking it in for cash.  They would cut the insulation off and burn it in the back yard.  I was always afraid they were gonna have the law called on them and we would all go to jail even though I was not helping them steal or dispose of the copper.  

     My 2 youngest girls slept in the room with Josh and I and my oldest had her own Pink princess room. When the girls woke up crying at night Josh would yell at me telling me to shut them up.  His yelling would just make them cry more.  If I tried to go in the living room with them he would tell me no.  So he made being a mom so hard on me but I would always take care of my babies and love them despite how hard he made it on me and them. Another thing that Josh did that made life so miserable was force me to have sex when he wanted it.  I had gotten to a point where I never wanted to be intimate with him.  I just wasn't attracted to him anymore.  This next sentence is not PG rated so please forgive me.  Josh had trouble getting it up.  That's the nicest way I can put it.  He would expect me to try and try to make it happen.  All the while hitting me in my head or back.  I would just cry and holler in pain and he would just keep hitting me.  Eventually he would fall asleep and I would just lay there and cry.  I would ask God why.  Why was he allowing me to go through this.   Although later I would realize it was Satan and not God putting me through this.  

     Eventually Josh lost his job again at Alan Fielding because he and his brother had been smoking meth together and they had a pop up drug test.  So I went back to work at a nursing home in Van, Texas.  I was back doing housekeeping and sometimes laundry as well.  While I was working at the nursing home they offered C.N.A classes and I begged Josh to let me take them. When he realized how much I would make being a C.N.A he said okay.  See when I got my paychecks I wasn't allowed to spend anything.   I had to deposit it in the bank and tell him how much it was.  As time went on Josh kept using meth.  Things started getting bad.   

     I will tell you just how bad when I come back.  Hope to see you come back too.  Scroll down and leave me a comment on how I'm doing or if you were in the situation too.