The Hatchet
Sorry I missed yesterday, this cold weather made me lazy.
So we left off about the time we took my 2nd daughter home from the hospital. Things went good for a while. One day out of the blue Josh comes in and accuses me of having sex with his mom and stepdad (who were swingers). I was like what the heck are you freaking kidding me. See the job Josh was working took him out of town for a few days to a week or two at a time sometimes. He would check on me all day and send his mom over to check on me too. He was back using meth as well. A guy he was working with got him started again. So he was getting out of his head again and acting crazy again. After accusing me of having sex with his mom and step dad josh tried to beat me into saying I was guilty of doing it. I swore up and down that I would never and have never done anything like that. I never cheated on Josh despite what he put me through. When we said our wedding vows I took them to heart and meant them. I held my ground of being innocent of what he was accusing me of but Josh didn't believe me and didn't relent in his hits and kicks. Eventually he chased me in the living room and the nightmare continued. My girls were in their room and couldn't see anything although I'm sure they could hear it all. Josh pinned me down in the floor and held a hatchet to my head and a pipe wrench and told me if I didn't admit it he would split my skull right there in my living room. As he raised the pipe wrench to hit the hatchet I just screamed yes I did it. Mind you I never ever did it and it was am insane accusation. He stopped what he was doing and got off of me. Then he made me get up and write on paper that I slept with his coworker CC and his mom and stepdad. I just did what he asked because I knew in my heart the truth. Then Josh left and said he would be back. I cleaned myself up and played with my girls so they knew I was okay. See when Josh got in one of his crazy moods I learned to just tell him what he wants to hear. The more you argue with him that you didn't do something the worse and more violent he got.
When Josh returned he had his Aunts sister in law with him. He told me and my girls to stay in the bedroom and him and her were gonna stay in my living room. I could hear them from our bedroom watching porn and having sex. I know they were getting high too. She stayed at my house for several days. They would come and go and when they would leave I would feed my girls. Then we would go back in the room. A couple weeks later Josh took me to a lawyer's office and he had filed for divorce without telling me. We went in and talked about custody of the girls and Josh said he wanted my oldest daughter and me to take the youngest and I refused. He told the lawyer we would discuss it and come back. The day we were supposed to return to sign papers and set up a court date for custody Josh came to me acting all sweet and said he didn't want a divorce and asked me if I did. I was afraid to tell him the truth that I did so I told him no I didn't want the divorce. He called the lawyer and told her we had worked it all out. Although we didn't get a divorce and Josh said things would get better between us he still beat me and burned me with cigarettes. He through an iron at my face and broke a coffee pot over my head cutting my eye open. When it was time for me to go back to work after my maternity leave Josh wouldn't let me. He made me call my boss and tell her that I would not be back because I needed to focus on my family. I was so mad because I loved my job and I was actually good at it. However none of that mattered to him.
In July of 2009 I found out I was pregnant again. This was a big shock because my middle child was only 5 months old. By this time we had moved to Grand Saline into a trailer at Josh's uncle's trailer park. Josh worked during the day and I stayed with the girls. I was not allowed to go outside of the house. On February 16, 2010 I welcomed my youngest daughter into this crazy world. She was just as perfect as her sisters were and she actually delivered herself. When they came in to check and see if it was time to push she was laying there in the bed just looking around. She has always been little miss independent. My oldest daughter was in Kindergarten so Josh would take her to school or she would catch the bus. Every once in a while I was allowed to go to the grocery store with the girls. We were in Brookshire's one day and I turned down an aisle and there was my mom. I hadn't seen her in a few years. She only knew about my first daughter. She had no idea that I had two more precious baby girls. She walked up and said hello and hugged me and I wanted to just spill my guts to her but I was so terrified. Josh always told me if I told my family he would find them and kill them after he killed me So I was afraid if I told her it would cause bad things to happen to the people I loved. I rushed away from her because of course I was on a time schedule to get back home. As she walked away the girls said mom who is that? My heart just hit the floor because I could see the look on moms face of hurt that they didn't know who she was. When we got home I told Josh we had seen her. It was bound to happen because she lived in Grand Saline too. He was upset but he didn't act too crazy. One day just a few days later mom stopped by the house we were living in unannounced. I was so scared that Josh was going to flip out on her or me but he invited her in. She didn't stay long but asked if she could go to my oldest daughters school party the next day and he told her she could. I was beyond shocked but worried her had other motives. It all went well though. She asked Josh if she could do family photos of us one day and Josh agreed. She took them in the cemetery across the street from our house. There was a bench there that was the perfect spot and you could not see any tombstones. I think that was the only set of family pictures we ever had done. Mom had the pictures made into Christmas cards too. I was so grateful for the little time we got to see each other but just never had the courage to share what had been happening at my house. After that day it was a while before I got to see mom again.
Later on Josh ran into my sister in town and she was down on her luck with 2 daughters and needed a place to stay so he invited her to stay with us. At the time I was working as a housekeeper at a nursing home there in Grand Saline. Josh had quit is job due to a pop up drug test he knew he would fail. We bought Christmas gifts for my sister and her kids. I tried to get my sister to understand what was happening between Josh and I but she didn't seem to understand or care. I would learn later that she had other intentions being in my house. One day Josh pulled me to the side and said let's go for a ride. We went driving down the road and he handed me 2 folded up pieces of paper.
To find out what was on those pieces of paper come back and read more.
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