Torture Chamber II
If anyone reads these and has a similar story to share or has comments on how I am doing please leave comments. I appreciate any input. I have to put a warning label here though because this post is graphic and I don't want to cause anyone to have flashbacks of their own.
So when I last posted I had fallen asleep after total and complete exhaustion. I woke up to Josh standing over me with a pillow on my head and the gun on the other side. He said he was gonna shoot me and then kill himself. He had written up a paper to give his brother custody of my kids. He signed and dated it and made me sign it too. I begged him not to shoot me and eventually he put the gun down. He said well that's too easy for you anyways. I have another idea.
When I sat up there was a table in my bedroom with several items on it. This included a dremmel, hammer, saw, and I cant even remember what else. Josh said I can shoot you or I can torture you and I would rather watch you suffer. He had sent the girls up to his brother house so he could be alone with me. I was terrified because I believed he would torture me to death and at this point I was wishing he would have just shot me. Suddenly the front door opened and it was my oldest daughter coming home. She didn't know it but she saved my life. I know if she had not come in when she did I would not have survived the day. Josh told me to get up and that I better act like everything was okay. So I did what I had to do and went in the living room with my daughter. Josh stayed so doped up and angry that he was always mad and it was always directed at me. His brother brought the younger two girls home later and Josh was yelling at me yet again because I wasn't doing housework as fast as he wanted me to. He and his brother were sitting in the living room talking and looking at a crossbow. I walked in and Josh pointed it at me and told his brother he was gonna kill me. The safety was off and it was loaded so if it had gone off he would have shot me. His brother looked at him and said well do what you have to do. I was in shock that his brother was just so cool about it like it was just a normal thing. By the Grace of God he didn't follow through. In the days and months following Josh assaulted me with a 2 X 4, a chisel, his hands, a broom handle and anything else he could find. I prayed for years for God to get me out and had started to believe there was no God because how could he just let me keep going through all this and my kids also.
Eventually Josh got so out of his mind that he locked my youngest 2 daughters and I in a room. I would have to knock and get his permission to use the bathroom or bathe me or my youngest girls. If I asked him for food he would bring bread and a cold pack of hot dogs which my girls did not want to eat. Occasionally he would let me actually cook them something. He kept my oldest daughter with him at all times. He had her believing that I was going to hurt her so he had to keep me locked up. He kept us locked in that room for about 2 months. When the girls would fall asleep I would sleep too. Josh came in several nights and rubbed a knife across my throat which would jolt me awake. He would just laugh and say he couldn't wait to put that cold steel in me. Then he would make me get up and go to the torture chamber with him. As long as I did everything he asked me to do he would not hurt me but if I made one mistake he would choke me out or do anything else he wanted to do. Then he would lock me back in the room with my girls.
Josh would flip out some days about anything and he would come in and whip me with cords. He would also hit me with the baseball bat. The beatings became almost daily to the point of I could barely move. I smelled rot too although I had no idea it was coming from my body. My head was sore and my pinkie on my right hand was in bad shape do to using my hand to block hits. One day I asked Josh to take a bath and he said well you need to because you stink. I got in the bath and it was so hard to even get in and sit down. My whole body was so sore. I felt like I had been hit by a train. Josh came in while I was bathing and laughed and said all I have to do is push you under and it will only take a minute til it's all over. Then he just laughed and walked out. I bathed but I could still smell a rotten smell. It seemed like it took forever to actually get out of the bathtub because I was too sore to stand up. I finally managed and Josh locked me back in the room. I was struggling so hard to do anything at all. Even simple tasks were nearly impossible.
One morning Josh came in and said cover up your bruises and get your daughter ready for school. I tried to get up but it was so hard. Eventually I managed to and started to cover the bruises on my face but Josh came in and grabbed an electrical cord called a Romex cord and began whipping me. It seemed like he whipped me for 30 minutes. It was probably only about 5 minutes but all I could do was cry in agony and beg him to stop. He whipped my back, arms, legs, and my head. He finally did stop and left the room. He said never mind I will get her ready. I was so heartbroken because I hadn't really seen my oldest daughter but just a few times in the last few months. He kept her isolated from me. I heard him go out and try to start our truck but it wouldn't crank. I heard him come back in the front door and then the door to the room I was in opened. Josh flung the jumper cables across the room and hit me in the head. It stunned me but didn't knock me out. As he walked out he said, " When I get back I am gonna Kill you!" I had never seen so much darkness in his eyes. I knew when he came back he would kill me and the girls too. That is when fight or flight kicked in and i began trying to think of how I could get out of the room.
To Be Continued in my next blog entry. God Bless and thank you for reading my story.
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