Dealing with CPS
Well I am back. Its been a busy and overwhelming couple weeks between my husband and my Birth mom passing. We had her viewing this past Sunday before she was to be cremated. She is no longer suffering and will be missed by many.
So before I got off track on my blogs we were talking about me wanting to leave the women's shelter and my mom coming to get me. I stayed with mom for a while after leaving the shelter. I still had so many problems and was still having to have bandage changes every few days. My mom said I had night terrors too. She said I would start screaming and fighting. I was so happy to be back with my family although I was really missing my girls. We had supervised visits at the CPS office and they gave me a list of what I had to do. I had no vehicle so a teacher I had in high school that heard what happened and her church got me a Lincoln Town Car. It was a used one but it was such a blessing to me and a weight off my shoulders so I could work toward bringing my babies home. I had to go to parenting classes and abuse counseling. I also had to do therapy and a drug evaluation which I passed with flying colors. Now when CPS took my girls they tested positive for meth but they told me it could have been from Josh touching them after using it. They could absorb it in their skin from him. When I found this out it broke my heart and just made me hate Josh even more than I did already. I worked hard to bring my girls home. I did all the classes and got an apartment and a full time job. I was giving it my everything to bring them home. However I had to have help paying my electric bill one time and CPS threw that up in my face. As if I was the only person who ever had to have a little help. After that CPS decided family Reunification was not the goal anymore. I had the choice to go to court and fight for my girls to come home or sign my rights away and allow the people who were fostering them to adopt them. I talked to family and prayed and just thought long and hard. In the end it wasn't worth dragging the girls through several court hearings and I couldn't give them the kind of life they deserved. I agreed to allow the family to adopt them. It was the ultimate sacrifice and the hardest decision I have ever had to make. It hurts me still today but I don't regret it. My girls have two moms that love them unconditionally and an adopted dad who loves them. I am still in their lives and they know all about me. I am blessed to have such amazing people loving my kids as I do. We are one big family.
I'm gonna backtrack for a minute. I talked about Josh keeping my oldest away from me for about 3 months while we were locked in that room at the house. Well when we first started having visits she didn't want anything to do with me. He had brainwashed her to believe that I didn't love her and that I left without her because I didn't care about her. After about 6 weeks of visits she began to open up a little. When the CPS worker came to say the visit was over I looked at my oldest daughter and her eyes were full of tears and she said I don't want to go mom. My heart melted and I just broke down in tears too. I had finally gotten my baby back. It was a joyous moment that I will never forget. Being a mom is one of the greatest Joy's of my life. It means so much to me. Even though my girls don't live with me they are still my babies. I have had people tell me I need to let go because they aren't my kids anymore but I am now and always will be their mom. I just share that honor with another amazing mom. If she is reading this I want her to know that I am so blessed to know her and her husband and my girls are too. God sent ya'll to me and the girls and he knew what he was doing. I miss the girls everyday but I know they are loved and happy. I pray many blessing on ya'll and on my loves. My girls decided to call me LisaMom which took some time getting used to but I love it now. The most amazing part is after the couple got my girls they got another brother and sister who now call me their LisaMom. So I am a part of my amazing daughters lives and now I gained 2 more kids. They are all amazing and I love them completely
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